The Irony of it All: Unpacking the Royal Connection to the White House
As I sit here, sipping on a pint of Guinness, watching the chaos unfold in Los Angeles and other cities, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the sheer audacity of it all. The “Coexist” crowd, with their signs that scream “No Kings!” while they torch the very cities they claim to save, are a sight to behold. But, me boyos, it’s not the protests themselves that have me grinning like a fool, it’s the irony that’s thicker than a pint of stout on a cold winter’s night.
You see, these fine folks are protesting a monarchy that, for all intents and purposes, already exists in the good ol’ US of A. And I’m not talking about some tinpot dictatorship in a far-flung land; I’m talking about the very same bloodline that’s been passed down from King John Lackland, that infamous cartoon villain from Disney’s Robin Hood. Yes, that’s right; almost every US president, including Obama, the Bushes, Clinton, Reagan, and even the great George Washington himself, can trace their ancestry back to this very same English king. It’s a genealogical marvel, to be sure!
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Ryan, me boyo, this sounds like some wild conspiracy theory, the kind of nonsense you’d find on InfoWars.” But, me friends, this is no fever dream; it’s cold, hard fact. A seventh-grader, no less, mapped out the connections and got local news coverage for her troubles. And the only two presidents who didn’t trace back to King John? Why, it’s Martin Van Buren and Donald J. Trump, of course!
That’s right, me friends; out of 45 individual men who’ve held the presidency, only two weren’t born into the globalist royal tree. And what’s the response from the professionally outraged mobs? They accuse Trump of being a king, of being a monarch, when in fact, he’s the only one who wasn’t bred into the bloodline. It’s like showing up to a vegan potluck and accusing the tofu of being beef; it’s just plain daft!
But, as I always say, “the truth is in the song.” And I should know, having dropped a sea shanty album a couple of months back (yes, really, it’s a thing of beauty, and it slaps, if I do say so myself). One of the lead tracks, “Kings Without a Crown,” laid bare the truth before the latest round of protests even kicked off. The lyrics spoke of “lords of the land by vote or by fate / 43 knelt while two wouldn’t break… / No bloodline to share, Van Trump kicked without an heir.” I didn’t write this for poetry’s sake, me friends; I wrote it because these are truths that don’t get airtime on CNN or Fox, for that matter. We’ve been sold the illusion of democracy while being handed monarchs in disguise.
And that’s where the deep state comes in, me friends. When I supported Trump back in 2016, I said clearly that if he dismantled the deep state, ended foreign wars, legalized cannabis, gutted the Fed, and locked up Hillary, he’d be my guy. Fast-forward to 2025, and, well, let’s just say I’ve got bones to pick. He didn’t end the wars, he didn’t jail Hillary, and the Fed is still feeding off our labor like a tick on a dog’s belly. But, to Trump’s credit, he took a wrecking ball to the deep state, and I respect that. Unlike the dynasty puppets before him, Trump wasn’t born into this bloodline club, and it shows in how both parties, the media, and the bureaucracy tried to crush him from day one.
You ever wonder why he was treated like a foreign invader by the political class? It’s because he was, me friends! They don’t hate him because he’s “mean” or “loud” or “orange”; they hate him because he wasn’t one of them. He didn’t come from the same dusty vault of royal DNA that they all share. And that’s the hypocrisy of it all, me friends. Where were these voices when Bush invaded Iraq on false pretenses? Where were they when Obama ran Libya into the ground and droned kids from 20,000 feet? Where were they when Clinton played pocket billiards with Epstein? Nowhere, me friends! But when Trump, the only non-royal of the modern age, rises to power and starts torching the establishment’s playbook, now they scream “monarchy”? Please!
And that’s where our modern-day sea kings come in, me friends. Martin Van Buren and Donald Trump, two men who walked into the White House without royal sanction. That’s not a small thing, me friends; it’s a tidal shift. Van Buren, son of a tavern-keeper, and Trump, the loudmouth real estate brawler from Queens, both outsiders, both kings without crowns. And the system hated them for it.
So, me friends, if you want to burn something down, maybe start with the genealogical trees that have been hiding this dynastic monarchy under the stars and stripes. Start by asking how 43 out of 45 men ended up with the same royal blood coursing through their veins. It ain’t “random,” and it sure as hell isn’t democracy.
In the end, me friends, it all comes down to one question: will the next president bow to the crown? Or will he stand like Van Buren and Trump, uncorrupted by royal ancestry, and face the swamp alone? Most won’t, because most are bred for the role. But if another outsider comes knocking, be ready. He won’t be polished, he won’t speak like a Kennedy, but he’ll be the closest thing to freedom we’ve had in decades.
Until then, I’ll be singing sea shanties and breaking down bloodlines with whiskey in hand and fire in my lungs. So, me friends, the next time you’re feeling feisty and want to take on the system, just remember: it’s not about left or right, it’s about the crown. And if you’re not willing to take on the monarchy, then you’re just playing into their hands. Sláinte, me friends! May the truth be with you, and may the road rise up to meet you.
