The Age-Old Question: Why Do We Shame Men for Their Dating Preferences?
As the old Irish saying goes, “May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night, and the road downhill all the way to your door.” But when it comes to dating and relationships, it seems we’ve lost our way, and our words have turned cold. A recent viral comment compared men who only date women who have “just turned 18” to employers who only pay minimum wage: “It’s not a crime, but if the law didn’t stop them, they’d go lower.” This witty remark has sparked a lively debate about culture, age, maturity, and the infantilization of adulthood in the modern West.
In many parts of the world, large age gaps in relationships are not only tolerated but also common. Travel to the Philippines, Asia, Africa, or even parts of Europe, and you’ll see couples with 15-20 years between them, holding hands and living life to the fullest. It’s not scandalous; it’s just part of life. Historically, it was normal. My landlord in Puerto Rico, a Pentecostal pastor, was married to his wife for 61 years, having wed at 14, raised a family, built a life, and never once apologized to the world for it. But in today’s culture, we react to such relationships with outrage, especially when the man is older. The double standard is obvious: when a 50-year-old woman dates a 30-year-old man, she’s a “cougar,” and people cheer her on, but when a 50-year-old man dates a 30-year-old woman, he’s a “creep.” Same numbers, different judgment.
According to Jordan Peterson, women across cultures tend to prefer men about four years older. Why? Because women, especially when considering marriage and children, look for stability, maturity, and security. That’s not oppression; that’s biology and common sense. A young woman doesn’t want to raise two children; she wants a partner who is dependable, competent, and ready for responsibility. Men, on the other hand, gain market value as they age, accumulating wisdom, networks, resources, and experience. That’s why throughout history, older men pairing with younger women was not scandalous but expected.
The real problem isn’t age; it’s immaturity. A 35-year-old man who refuses to date anyone older than 22 isn’t “mature”; he’s stuck in a shallow loop of chasing youth for its own sake. There are beautiful women at 30, 40, even 50. Reducing attraction to nothing but age is not wisdom; it’s escapism. As the Irish say, “A man is only as old as the woman he feels.” But in today’s society, we’re more concerned with policing masculinity and shaming men for their preferences than with promoting maturity and responsibility.
We’ve infantilized adulthood in the West, stretching adolescence into people’s 30s. We’ve built a society where 25-year-olds are treated like children, and adults are encouraged to think of themselves as perpetual victims. Some argue that we should raise the age of adulthood to 25 or 30 because people aren’t “ready.” But that’s not maturity; that’s infantilization. It’s eroding responsibility across the board, and it’s not just affecting relationships. When people in the West sneer at age-gap couples, they’re not making a moral point; they’re reflecting a culture that has lost touch with adulthood itself.
To be clear, we’re only talking about consenting adults. No one is arguing for anything outside of that. But within the realm of consent, people should be free to choose without being shamed by society’s ever-changing double standards. If a 22-year-old woman prefers the stability of a 40-year-old man, so what? If a 50-year-old woman prefers a 30-year-old man, who cares? The beauty of a free society is that adults decide for themselves. As the Irish saying goes, “It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.”
The deeper question is this: why are we so quick to shame men for having preferences while celebrating women for theirs? Women can openly say they only date tall men, wealthy men, or older men, but the moment a man says he doesn’t want to date obese women or that he prefers women under 30, he’s labeled “toxic,” “shallow,” or worse. This cultural asymmetry reveals something important: modern Western society doesn’t just infantilize adulthood; it polices masculinity.
Age-gap relationships aren’t automatically wrong, exploitative, or creepy. Like all relationships, they succeed or fail based on compatibility, respect, and mutual benefit. What is wrong is a culture that infantilizes adulthood, demonizes men for having preferences, and treats consent as meaningless unless it aligns with progressive social norms. It’s not about the age gap; it’s about whether we believe in personal responsibility and voluntary choice. That’s a libertarian principle worth defending, me boyo!
In conclusion, let’s take a step back and re-evaluate our stance on age-gap relationships. Let’s stop shaming men for their preferences and start promoting maturity and responsibility. As the Irish say, “May the road rise up to meet you, and may the wind be always at your back.” Let’s rise up to meet the challenges of adulthood and may the wind of freedom and choice be always at our backs. Sláinte!
