The Age-Old Conundrum: Why Do We demonize Men for Their Dating Preferences?
As the old Irish saying goes, “May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night, and the road downhill all the way to your door.” But when it comes to men’s dating preferences, it seems we’ve lost our way. Recently, a viral comment compared men who only date women who “just turned 18” to employers who only pay minimum wage: “It’s not a crime, but if the law didn’t stop them, they’d go lower.” This witty remark has sparked a conversation about culture, age, maturity, and the infantilization of adulthood in the modern West.
Traveling through the Philippines, Asia, Africa, or parts of Europe, you’ll notice that large age gaps in relationships are not only tolerated but also common. In fact, historically, it was the norm. My friend’s landlord in Puerto Rico, a Pentecostal pastor, was married to his wife for 61 years, having wed at the tender age of 14. They built a life together, raised a family, and never apologized for it. But today, our culture reacts to such relationships with outrage, especially when the man is older. The double standard is glaringly obvious. When a 50-year-old woman dates a 30-year-old man, she’s a “cougar,” and we cheer her on. But when a 50-year-old man dates a 30-year-old woman, he’s a “creep.” Same numbers, different judgment.
According to Jordan Peterson, women across cultures tend to prefer men about four years older. This isn’t about oppression; it’s biology and common sense. Women look for stability, maturity, and security, especially when considering marriage and children. A young woman doesn’t want to raise two children; she wants a partner who is dependable, competent, and ready for responsibility. On the other hand, men gain market value as they age, accumulating wisdom, networks, resources, and experience. This is why, throughout history, older men pairing with younger women was not scandalous but expected.
The real problem isn’t age; it’s immaturity. A 35-year-old man who refuses to date anyone older than 22 isn’t “mature”; he’s stuck in a shallow loop of chasing youth for its own sake. There are beautiful women at 30, 40, even 50. Reducing attraction to nothing but age is not wisdom; it’s escapism. We need to stop infantilizing adulthood and start recognizing that maturity comes in many forms.
In the past, 16-year-old boys lied about their age to fight wars, taking on adult responsibilities early because they had to. Today, we’ve stretched adolescence into people’s 30s, building a society where 25-year-olds are treated like children and adults are encouraged to think of themselves as perpetual victims. Some argue that we should raise the age of adulthood to 25 or 30 because people aren’t “ready.” But that’s not maturity; that’s infantilization. And it’s not just affecting relationships; it’s eroding responsibility across the board.
When we sneer at age-gap couples, we’re not making a moral point; we’re reflecting a culture that has lost touch with adulthood itself. We’ve blurred the lines between childhood and adulthood so badly that “18” doesn’t mean what it once did. It’s time to recognize that consenting adults should be free to choose without being shamed by society’s ever-changing double standards. If a 22-year-old woman prefers the stability of a 40-year-old man, so what? If a 50-year-old woman prefers a 30-year-old man, who cares? The beauty of a free society is that adults decide for themselves.
The deeper question is, why are we so quick to shame men for having preferences while celebrating women for theirs? Women can openly say they only date tall men, wealthy men, or older men. But the moment a man says he doesn’t want to date obese women, or that he prefers women under 30, he’s labeled “toxic,” “shallow,” or worse. This cultural asymmetry reveals something important: modern Western society doesn’t just infantilize adulthood; it polices masculinity.
In conclusion, age-gap relationships aren’t automatically wrong, exploitative, or creepy. Like all relationships, they succeed or fail based on compatibility, respect, and mutual benefit. What is wrong is a culture that infantilizes adulthood, demonizes men for having preferences, and treats consent as meaningless unless it aligns with progressive social norms. It’s time to revisit our values and recognize that personal responsibility and voluntary choice are the foundation of a free society. As the Irish say, “May the road rise up to meet you, and may the wind be always at your back.” Let’s hope that road leads us to a place of maturity, respect, and understanding.
In the words of Jordan Peterson, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” Let’s make a difference by promoting a culture that values maturity, respect, and personal responsibility. Let’s stop shaming men for their dating preferences and start recognizing that consenting adults should be free to choose. As the great Irish poet W.B. Yeats once said, “Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.” Let’s light the fire of maturity and respect, and may it guide us on our journey to a more compassionate and understanding society.
So the next time you hear someone shaming a man for his dating preferences, remember that it’s not about the age gap; it’s about whether we believe in personal responsibility and voluntary choice. Let’s defend the libertarian principle of individual freedom and promote a culture that values maturity, respect, and understanding. As the Irish saying goes, “May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you’re going, and the insight to know when you’re going too far.” Let’s have the insight to recognize that our culture needs to change, and let’s work towards creating a society that values maturity, respect, and personal responsibility.
