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Nov 03

A birthday letter to Athy, Ireland

Today my daughter, Kacey Isla Rey Thompson, turns four. I have not seen her for almost two years. That is a hard sentence to type. I am writing it to the town where she lives, because towns carry our stories. Streets, bridges, and libraries become witnesses. They remember what families forget.

Athy, this is for you, and for Kacey.

The place that will hold her childhood

Athy sits where the River Barrow meets the Grand Canal. It is a heritage town that has grown fast in recent years, about 72 kilometers from Dublin. You already know the feel of it. Stone, water, market energy, and a square where people still stop to talk. That is a good town for a child. Wikipedia

Walk the river and you reach White’s Castle, a tower house that still guards the crossing. Look left and you see the Crom a Boo Bridge with its limestone arches. It is history you can touch. Kids learn strength from places like that. Wikipedia

Athy also carries the spirit of Ernest Shackleton. The Shackleton Experience keeps his story alive a short stroll from Emily Square. Endurance is not just a book title here. It is local DNA. That matters to me as a father. shackletonexperience.ie+1

And then there is the waterway itself. The Barrow Way gives families simple miles for walking, talking, and breathing. Blueway plans and sections make it even more accessible for bikes and buggies. Every meter of safe path is a gift to parents who need a neutral place to meet. waterwaysireland.org+1

A father’s plain wish

Here is my wish for Kacey. That she feels safe, curious, and strong. That she learns the river’s moods. That she counts the arches on the bridge. That she knows the square is hers too.

I am not allowed to be in her life right now. I will not turn this into a hit piece. That helps no one, least of all a four year old. But I will say this. Cutting a loving parent out of a child’s life is not neutral. It leaves a mark. We talk a lot about protecting kids, then we hand families to systems that treat love like paperwork. It is like hiring the fire department to mow your lawn. Expensive, slow, and you might lose the house anyway.

What Athy can do, not just the courts

Family life should not be engineered by distant offices. Families belong to families. Courts exist. Sometimes you need them. But most of the time, neighbors, teachers, coaches, and librarians can do more with less.

Here are practical steps the town can back without drama.

  • Keep public places welcoming. Keep Emily Square clean and well lit. Make it easy to sit. A bench can be the difference between an argument and a conversation. The square is getting attention and funding for upgrades. Use it to help families reconnect in public, calm spaces.
  • Treat the river walk like a community room. The Barrow Way and Blueway are perfect for handovers, catch-ups, and short walks that cool hot heads. Put up a simple sign that says the path is a safe, civil space for all families. waterwaysireland.org+1
  • Train local mediators. Not every disagreement needs a courtroom. Volunteers with basic training can lower the temperature and get parents to yes. The Courts Service itself tells people to consider mediation before filing. That is a hint worth taking. Default
  • Library projects for separated families. Once a month, host a quiet “Letters to Our Kids” hour. Provide paper, envelopes, and a locked deposit box for parents to store sealed notes for future birthdays. Nothing fancy. Just dignity.
  • Neutral youth policies. Clubs and teams can set simple rules that protect a child’s time with both parents when safe. No politics. Just access.
  • A small town directory of help. Point to real Irish resources, not slogans. Citizens Information explains access and guardianship. HSE and Tusla list parenting supports. Make the links impossible to miss. citizensinformation.ie+2citizensinformation.ie+2

This is not big government. This is neighbors being useful.

The hard part we do not like to say out loud

Parental alienation is a polite term for something brutal. It tells a child that love has a permission slip. It treats a parent like a ghost who can pay but cannot hug. In Ireland, as in most places, the law says the child’s best interests are paramount in decisions on custody and access. Good. Take that seriously. In practice, that should mean keeping doors open to both parents when it is safe to do so, and using mediation, not trench warfare. citizensinformationboard.ie+1

Here is the thing. Bureaucracies love forms. Families need faces. If we keep outsourcing family peace to process, we will keep getting process. It is like the Fed printing money and calling it prosperity. Looks tidy until you try to spend it. Real help looks like two chairs by a river, ten unhurried minutes, and a plan for next week.

Kacey, this part is for you

Happy 4th birthday, love. I hope you got frosting on your cheeks. I hope someone lit candles and sang. I hope you laughed so hard you hiccuped.

Your dad is here. I talk to God about you. I ask for your safety, your courage, and your joy. If you ever need me, I am a phone call, a letter, or one train ride away. If you do not need me, I am still here.

I wrote a song for days like this. “The Ballad of Broken Fathers.” It is not perfect, but it is honest.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aW2h0jJTmp4

To the people of Athy

You will see her before I do. The shopkeeper who counts out coins. The teacher who spots her questions. The coach who notices she listens before she speaks. The neighbor who hears a laugh through a window and smiles. Please look out for her the way small towns still do.

If you see a father and a daughter by the Barrow one day, sharing crisps and making a plan for the week, that might be us. Say hello.

The Kacey Foundation

To mark Kacey’s fourth birthday, I am starting The Kacey Foundation, a non-profit dedicated to raising awareness about parental alienation and helping communities respond with simple, human solutions. We will focus on education, mediation support, and local projects that keep kids connected to both parents when it is safe.

When the foundation is established, the homepage will be kaceythompson.org. That site will share our mission, local partner lists, printable tools for schools and clubs, and a simple pledge any town can adopt. No jargon. No power plays. Just a map for staying human.

If you live in Athy and want to help, here is a starter list.

  • Offer a room, an hour, or a skill. Meeting spaces, graphic design, bookkeeping, or a kettle and cups.
  • Help build a short list of local mediators and counselors who get it.
  • If you work with kids, volunteer to review a one-page “both-parents when safe” policy and give feedback.
  • Share your story when you are ready. No blame. Just truth and hope.

A simple yearly ritual

Each year on Kacey’s birthday, I will do three things.

  • I will walk a mile, wherever I am, and picture the Barrow beside me.
  • I will write her a one-page letter and seal it for the day we reunite.
  • I will ask Athy to keep being a kind place for a child to grow.

That is it. Simple, steady, real.

Thank you, Athy, for holding her childhood. Keep your paths open, your square lively, your museum brave, and your welcome warm. The river keeps moving. So will time. Let us use both well. waterwaysireland.org

Sources

kacey isla rey thompson
kacey isla rey thompson

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